Some of you live with young adults facing a workplace unlike anything you have experienced. I remember when an oil company where I worked embarked upon the process of converting from punch card data entry to dumb terminal user data entry. I was their selected trainer (much to my surprise). I trained about 200 people to use this new technology. One of my most vivid memories was of a well-respected career employee who was flatly unable to grasp the process of saving a file in anything but a manila file folder in a steel file cabinet. He found himself in a world completely alien to him. His respected skills simply did not generalize, and his continued employment was at risk for the first time in his life.
Many of us have watched the digital world evolve around us with various levels of ease and aptitude. This launching generation, Gen Z, also known as the Digital Natives and the Internet Generation, has been navigating this digital world from early on.
But here’s the deal: there are parts of this world that you and I know nothing about and through which, we will struggle to help these young people find their way. A young woman I visited with recently, offered two anecdotes that went a long way to enlighten me about the limitations of my counsel in this regard. First, she reported a boyfriend who had become addicted to online pornography. Second, she told a story about an experience while working in a music store. A man entered the store with his young son. She estimated the boy’s age to be about 4 or 5. After a few minutes, the child walked up to her and asked, “Do you have an Only Fans page?”
This site had come up in another conversation about job prospects for young women not able to pursue higher education or technical training due to compromised intellectual functioning. With the advent of online merchandising, even the usual retail sales positions available are disappearing. Factory jobs are few as this work has been moved overseas or south of the border in order to keep inflation low and stock holder dividends high. A friend said, “Many of these young women have turned to Only Fans for steady income by posting sexually arousing videos to that platform and charging subscriptions.”
When I was a young person, shedding my clothes for money could only occur at the local strip club. There is even an arm of feminism that would defend this decision as reclaiming their agency rather than being exploited or victimized. With sites like Only Fans requiring just a phone’s camera, no wonder boys get addicted to virtual sex and daddies send their 4 year olds to inquire about a pretty girl’s online presence.
I bring this up not to shock you, warn you, or suggest anything about your young adults’ private behavior, male or female. I bring it up to point out that they are entering a world unlike the one you entered and certainly unlike the one I entered so long ago. You have done your best to protect them from the dark side of the world they may have sadly encountered before entering your home. Pretending the world isn’t dark doesn’t prepare young people to survive in it.
My grandkids have their 9-year-old toes in the digital world. One of them recently read Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes by Eleanor Coerr, that explores the life of a young girl diagnosed with leukemia after being exposed to radiation from the atom bomb dropped the United States on Hiroshima in World War II. I’m glad she got to read this for many reasons. I was not prepared, however, for her request to see photographs of the aftermath of the bomb. I remember telling her, “No, sweetie, I don’t want those images burned in your head. I’d like to get them out of mine.”
In case your practice has been to avoid discussing such issues lest you stir up interest in those dark recesses of the world, may I suggest you open some of this up with your soon-to-launch Gen Zers. They may have a thing or two to teach you about what’s out there and you may have a thing or two to teach them about kindness, integrity, resilience, and character that can fortify them as they enter a world vastly different from yours. Many things about the world may change but with support and understanding, we can hopefully help these young people find a way through it that helps them hold their heads high.
Resources (a few new ones)
https://www.childtrauma.org/cta-library : This is Dr. Bruce Perry’s organization’s website where you can find resources for you and others who care for your child. No cost.
https://azcouncil.com/neurosequential-model-for-caregiving/ : This is a place to find a comprehensive collection of Dr. Perry’s free instructional videos.
https://child.tcu.edu/about-us/tbri/#sthash.pihb6kSI.dpbs :Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) Karyn Purvis TCU. Dr Purvis offers another trauma informed take on living/working with children with chronic trauma histories. These have costs per video.
https://theinspiredtreehouse.com/ : “At The Inspired Treehouse, we believe that with a little help, kids can build strong, healthy bodies and minds through play. We feature easy-to implement activities that are designed to promote all kinds of developmental skills for kids.” Find ideas for sensory integration activities.
Books
Born for Love and The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, Bruce Perry
The Connected Child, Karyn Purvis
The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk
Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Golman
Sensory Integration and the Child: Understanding Hidden Sensory Challenges, A. Jean Ayres
Videos
Perry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3is_3XHKKs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv2sNQL-Blc on the classroom
Purvis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EZA4_xBdvY
Van der Kolk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoZT8-HqI64
Golman: https://youtu.be/Y7m9eNoB3NU
Addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6xbXOp7wDA
Adolescent Risk Taking: https://www.cornell.edu/video/social-neuroscience-perspective-adolescent-risk-taking
Support
There’s a Reddit forum, r/Adoption, where adoptees share their thoughts on their search.
Ancestry.com has a DNA test that helps with genetic information and even searches.
Facebook has Birth parents and adopted children looking for their families. 31,000 members strong, full of tips for searchers.
Trauma Informed Educators Network on Facebook
From the NEA: https://www.nea.org/professional-excellence/student-engagement/tools-tips/trauma-informed-practices
For Birthmothers: Bellis: “Compassionate support for women whose children are parented by others – no matter how that came to be.” https://www.mybellis.org/
Regulating Activity Ideas
29 Amazing Calm Down Tools For Kids to Self-Regulate at https://www.prenda.com/post/29-amazing-calm-down-tools-for-kids-to-self-regulate
What is Self-Regulation? (+95 Skills and Strategies) at https://positivepsychology.com/self-regulation/
Other resources worthy of exploration
Learner Safety at https://youtu.be/bND6XuFrEVQ
Neuroscience based brain training at https://v4.brainhq.com/
NEWS
- Check out the AZAFAP Event Calendar at https://azafap.gnosishosting.net/Events/Calendar.
- Our Friday night Happy Hours and Tuesday afternoon Coffee Chats continue but on the 2nd and 4th, and 1st and 3rd weeks, respectively. Some find the facilitator (me or Ricky) and a single other participant; others find a conversation among 4 to 6 people. The topics range from the silly to what hobbies have us in their grip to what life has thrown in our path. If you ever find yourself wanting a bit of grown-up conversation, consider joining us (check your email for the unchanging link).
- Parent Mentor Partners: AZAFAP has trained volunteer parents as mentors who are ready to help support foster, kinship, and adoptive parents through one-to-one conversations. Interested? Fill out the form at https://www.azafap.org/family-support-services/
Thanks for listening. Take care of yourself so you can be there reliably for others.
Peace,
Cathy (cathyt@azafap.org)
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