I just got back from a rich cultural experience. I spent 4 days with 200 people at a summer camp facility in the Hill Country of Texas. Beautiful spot. Saw the Total Eclipse. I was there with an art collective dedicated to remembering what human connection and communication felt like before Wall Street and Hollywood began to explain living to us. A member of our group thought we would be a good fit at this event.
He was so right. The other 195 people attending were a beautiful mélange of humans. Most had known each other for years in online chats. Many knew each other from 2 earlier camp events. Many were attending for the first time at the encouragement of a friend. But everyone entered the space ready to encounter other humans honestly, earnestly, and freely. I met people who had travelled from California, eastern and western Canada, Switzerland, and Hungary. I met a 21 year old women working seasonally for the National Park system; waiting to return to college for when she knew what field she wanted to pursue. Living the dream, having adventures.
I was the oldest person there by at least 5 years. The average age of the attendees was probably less than 35. A full third was truly neurodivergent, many were on the autism spectrum, many more were non-binary or trans. I know this only because it was all openly discussed at the drop of a hat. How refreshing! I kept wondering how these good people navigated their daily lives. So many spent most of their days in front of a computer screen writing some computer language or another. I heard an anecdote about someone who hadn’t talked to another human face to face for 10 years. Yikes!
I hear a lot around AZAFAP about the behavioral health intervention called Meet Me Where I Am. This past weekend was Meet Me Where I Am on steroids. All these diverse people had gathered together knowing, trusting, confident that they would be welcomed just as they are in all their glory. We talk about this “inclusion” a lot. This camp was the manifestation of all those good intentions.
I’ll share my take aways from this experience:
- Human connection cannot be replaced by digital communication, but it has its place.
- Don’t judge a book by its cover.
- Be open to new experiences.
- Don’t be afraid to face your own preconceived notions based on appearance.
- Quirky people make for good friends, too.
- Gently ask others to accommodate your unique quirkiness. Let them be generous on your behalf.
- Non-conformity is a gift that should be more often celebrated.
- The world is not going to hell in a hand basket; young people are getting it done!
- It seems that many people on the autism spectrum were just waiting for the digital universe to find a place to strut their stuff. To the benefit of all!
- We need something similar to this camp for teens. A snark/burn/insult-free zone!
What does this have to do with foster, kinship, and adoptive families? I don’t know, but maybe just a little shake up about what you think you know. When did you last take a good hard look at how you accommodate the needs of the children in your care? How attuned to their needs are you? If most of your energy is spent just getting them fed and out the door, you might need to step back and re-evaluate some assumptions, some priorities.
I think the non-binary stuff is rattling around in my brain the most. How comfortable are you with this oh-so-current shift in our culture? I had to be honest with myself. I had to admit that that person in the tank top, skirt and full beard was a little confusing to me. Then I noticed something: that beard was a distraction. That person inhabited their body as what I know to be a female. No doubt about it. It wasn’t acting; it was authentic. Who am I to decide that that way of being human is wrong? Who am I to force that person into clothing that doesn’t reflect who they know themselves to be? How would I like it if you told me I had to wear clothing that made me uncomfortable or didn’t communicate to the world what I want to communicate? Our clothing signals something to others. We really should let people choose what they want to signal or at least try to understand why they want what they want. This personal agency, first expressed in clothing choice, will serve our young people as they move into the world. The reproduction issues can be tackled later. Goodness knows population growth is doing just fine as it is.
Thanks for letting me ramble a bit. I’m sure many readers are appalled at these words. That’s OK. You be you. There is room for respectful discussions about the ever-changing world in which we find ourselves. I will try to be attuned to your needs, just leave a little room for mine, too.
NEWS
- Check out the AZAFAP Event Calendar at https://azafap.gnosishosting.net/Events/Calendar.
- Our Friday night Happy Hour and Tuesday afternoon Coffee Chat continue. We’ve also added Wednesday R&R at 10 AM. Some find the facilitator (me, Nancy, or Michelle) and a single other participant; others find a conversation among 4 to 6 people. The topics range from the silly to what hobbies have us in their grip to what life has thrown in our path. If you ever find yourself wanting a bit of grown-up conversation, consider joining us (check your email for the unchanging link).
- Parent Mentor Partners: AZAFAP has trained volunteer parents as mentors who are ready to help support foster, kinship, and adoptive parents through one-to-one conversations. Interested? Fill out the form at https://www.azafap.org/family-support-services/
- Caring for Caregivers, funded by a grant from Blue Cross/Blue Shield, offers counseling services to AZAFAP members who don’t have insurance to cover such services. Apply at https://www.azafap.org/family-support-services
- I encourage you to check out what Dr. Bruce Perry has to offer. Find his thoughts at https://youtu.be/uOsgDkeH52o?t=3 and at https://www.childtrauma.org/trauma-ptsd
Thanks for listening. Take care of yourself so you can be there reliably for others.
Peace,
Cathy (cathyt@azafap.org)
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