It’s humbling to consider what’s happening in the brain of an infant. Even before birth, a fetus is shaped by its mother’s rhythms—walking, sleeping, talking—as well as her emotions and the substances she ingests, from caffeine to sedatives. These experiences can cause obvious outcomes like neonatal withdrawal, but also subtler, long-term neurological changes. Parents who brought home babies soon after birth and are still facing behavioral challenges eight years later know this well.
For children who’ve experienced chronic trauma, some of these early, strong pathways reinforce mistrust. Their earliest experiences taught them that trusting others with their needs was too risky, and that belief can persist even in safe environments leading to difficulty establishing trusting relationships with parents and caregivers.
Much of my usual focus is on how to counteract these early experiences through neuroplasticity and radical empathy—the patience and kindness of true love. Today, I want to explore brain changes that occur in all children, not just those with trauma histories.
Humans experience two major periods of neurological reorganization. The first occurs in early childhood. During the first three years, babies build thousands of synapses as they explore the world—touching, crawling, feeding, and being comforted. This proliferation is followed by pruning, where rarely used pathways are trimmed to strengthen those most used. Like pruning a fruit tree, it allows the brain to work more efficiently. While this process continues into childhood, it’s especially intense in the early years.
Young children, all of them, are constantly taking risks—trying to hit a baseball, make friends, or land a cartwheel. Physically, toddlers take risks without fully understanding the dangers, which is why parents stay nearby. But in adolescence, risks are taken away from parental oversight. This is crucial for developing independence and identity, but the stakes are higher with social pressures around romantic relationships and substance use.
This second period of brain reorganization begins in adolescence and doesn’t finish until around age 25. Teen brains reach peak cognitive ability by age 15 or 16, but their decision-making—especially in groups—lags behind. Risk-taking is amplified in social settings, and the larger the group, the greater the risk. Social media platforms like TikTok and YouTube offer constant, often concerning, evidence of this dynamic and even add to the peer pressure.
Hormonal shifts in puberty add another layer. Some researchers conclude that adolescent risk-taking is biologically tied to the drive to compete for mates, which peaks around age 17. At the same time, dopamine—the “I want more” neurotransmitter—is at its highest activity in the teen brain, with more receptors than at any other time in life. This makes teens more motivated to seek pleasure and approval—especially from peers—before their brains are fully able to assess risk vs. reward.
Between ages 17 and 25, neurological connections between the brain’s cognitive center (prefrontal cortex) and its emotional and impulsive centers (amygdala and ventral striatum in the limbic system) strengthen. Myelination—the process of insulating neural connections—improves speed and efficiency of communication. As these links mature, impulse control improves, and, eventually, the adult begins to act more consistently in line with their better judgment.
But in the meantime, risks and their consequences accumulate. Teen girls—especially those with early sexualization or abuse histories—are at higher risk for unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. Their partners are at risk too. Until the reorganization completes, adolescents are neurologically unprepared for full adult accountability.
Unfortunately, our legal system often doesn’t consider this. Many teens become entangled in the justice system during a developmental phase when their brains are least equipped for impulse control. Even if juvenile records are sealed, the damage to self-concept lingers, complicating adulthood. This reality deserves more attention from policymakers and empathy from parents.
Bottom lines:
- Pause before judging character. Teens are learning through mistakes—just as they always have.
- Set limits on peer group travel. Riding in cars with groups is one of the riskiest teen activities.
- Accept the reality of teen drinking. Offer non-judgmental rides home and foster open dialogue about alcohol.
- Take a pragmatic approach to teen sexuality. It’s almost inevitable—and riskier for teens with abuse histories.
- Understand the link between secure relationships and reduced risky behavior. If your relationship is distant, your teen may seek belonging in peer groups, where risk is amplified.
- Ask yourself: Do you want to know? Be honest about whether you’re ready to hear about the risks your teen is taking.
Resources (a few new ones)
https://www.childtrauma.org/cta-library : This is Dr. Bruce Perry’s organization’s website where you can find resources for you and others who care for your child. No cost.
https://azcouncil.com/neurosequential-model-for-caregiving/ : This is a place to find a comprehensive collection of Dr. Perry’s free instructional videos.
https://child.tcu.edu/about-us/tbri/#sthash.pihb6kSI.dpbs :Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) Karyn Purvis TCU. Dr Purvis offers another trauma informed take on living/working with children with chronic trauma histories. These have costs per video.
Books
Born for Love and The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, Bruce Perry
The Connected Child, Karyn Purvis
The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk
Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Golman
Videos
Perry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3is_3XHKKs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv2sNQL-Blc on the classroom
Purvis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EZA4_xBdvY
Van der Kolk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoZT8-HqI64
Golman: https://youtu.be/Y7m9eNoB3NU
Addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6xbXOp7wDA
Adolescent Risk Taking: https://www.cornell.edu/video/social-neuroscience-perspective-adolescent-risk-taking
Support
There’s a Reddit forum, r/Adoption, where adoptees share their thoughts on their search.
Ancestry.com has a DNA test that helps with genetic information and even searches.
Facebook has Birth parents and adopted children looking for their families. 31,000 members strong, full of tips for searchers.
Trauma Informed Educators Network on Facebook
From the NEA: https://www.nea.org/professional-excellence/student-engagement/tools-tips/trauma-informed-practices
For Birthmothers: Bellis: “Compassionate support for women whose children are parented by others – no matter how that came to be.” https://www.mybellis.org/
Regulating Activity Ideas
29 Amazing Calm Down Tools For Kids to Self-Regulate at https://www.prenda.com/post/29-amazing-calm-down-tools-for-kids-to-self-regulate
What is Self-Regulation? (+95 Skills and Strategies) at https://positivepsychology.com/self-regulation/
Other resources worthy of exploration
Learner Safety at https://youtu.be/bND6XuFrEVQ
Neuroscience based brain training at https://v4.brainhq.com/
NEWS
- Check out the AZAFAP Event Calendar at https://azafap.gnosishosting.net/Events/Calendar.
- Our Friday night Happy Hours and Tuesday afternoon Coffee Chats continue but on the 2nd and 4th, and 1st and 3rd weeks respectively. Some find the facilitator (me or Ricky) and a single other participant; others find a conversation among 4 to 6 people. The topics range from the silly to what hobbies have us in their grip to what life has thrown in our path. If you ever find yourself wanting a bit of grown-up conversation, consider joining us (check your email for the unchanging link).
- Parent Mentor Partners: AZAFAP has trained volunteer parents as mentors who are ready to help support foster, kinship, and adoptive parents through one-to-one conversations. Interested? Fill out the form at https://www.azafap.org/family-support-services/
Thanks for listening. Take care of yourself so you can be there reliably for others.
Peace,
Cathy (cathyt@azafap.org)
Recent Comments