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Most of us approach parenthood with an idea of what kind of parent we hope to be. Usually, we look to our family of origin for our role models, taking what seemed to work for us and putting aside what we, as children, really didn’t like. Sometimes, however, we look at our parenting and resolve... Read More

If you’re familiar with my earlier columns, you know that I think you are highly likely to be the most important person in the life of your foster, kinship, or adopted child with an early trauma history. As a reminder, I add the word early because when prenatal drug exposure, prolonged extremes of the birthmother’s... Read More

The holidays are upon us. Many foster, kinship, and adoptive parents or guardians strive to respect the culture and religious traditions of the children in their care. This is not an easy thing to do! I think about how my family of origin celebrated the holidays (one Christmas Eve spent at a motel eating Kentucky... Read More

As I sit down to write this morning, I’m listening to an interview with Barbra Streisand on Fresh Air with Terry Gross. She’s promoting her new memoir. She was huge when I was a teenager. I love some of her songs but was never a serious fan. Until this morning… She said something that struck... Read More

I don’t want to bore you with stories from my childhood but, suffice it to say, there was plenty of trauma to go around for me and my 3 sisters. The 4th birth was even blessed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Not fun. I do, however, want to bring a few things to your attention that... Read More

About 7 years ago I built a 400 square foot “granny flat” in my daughter’s backyard. She had just had twins and I wanted to be part of this next generation in spirit and presence, if not in agility and current slang. It tested me in ways I never anticipated. It had been a long... Read More

The Internet says anger usually comes from fear, pain, or frustration/injustice. Let’s look for some detail to flesh this out. I think the cool guys would say, “Let’s unpack that.” I was angry recently. It was a combination of all three: The pain came from the love I feel and how hard it was to... Read More

A good night’s sleep is a marvelous thing. I find myself cranky for no apparent reason when my sleep isn’t good. It never fails to amuse me how my vocabulary and word and name recall deteriorate drastically after a night of poor sleep. This is just one person’s experience, of course. But there was a... Read More

Mine was a family of four girls, each born 2 years apart, give or take a few months here and there. I was the oldest. By the time my youngest sister was born, both parents were raging, non-functional alcoholics. That youngest sister grew up to tell me she considered me her parent. I was six... Read More

“Many there be that have run out of their wits for women.” King James Translation of the Book of Ezra originally written about 460, B.C.  “Poor Tom hath been scared out of his good wits.” William Shakespeare in King Lear, 1606  “During the whole of this time Scrooge had acted like a man out of his... Read More