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I used to explain way too much by referring to hypervigilance. These days, I’ve come to understand better the variety of factors that can cause the meltdowns we see in our kids from hard places. I want to briefly explore: the intimacy barrier, sensory overload, will power exhaustion, and control issues. The Intimacy Barrier. Some,... Read More

We’ve gotten glib about this very complicated issue. “I identify as she/her, white, mother and Texan.” Or “I identify as a black American.” Though not an adoptee, I am very aware of my experience with identity development. My chaotic family fell short in comparison to those I encountered at church and among my friends. By... Read More

I usually talk to you about how to take care of yourself first so you can take care of others. This time I want to explore the art form known as a family. I could pick any of several metaphors for this: a car, the human body, a track ball mouse, or a crib mobile.... Read More

I have to remind myself to offer my credentials occasionally to those readers who may wonder why I write the way I do. Though I have a Master’s degree in Psychology (and have let my counseling license lapse); it is not this that I feel is the best source for my understanding of foster care... Read More

Skin color matters. Hair texture matters. History matters. I know I risk angering some readers with these ideas but that has never stopped me before. I hope you will stay with me. 1. My daughter’s best friend in high school was a black girl whose daddy had served in the Carter administration. She had always... Read More

We are into this pandemic for over a year. I hope you are able to get vaccinated. So many of us have health issues that prevent us from getting vaccinations; it is up to the rest of us to do what we can to achieve herd immunity. I had no problems with the first vaccine... Read More

When I’m not annoyed, irritable, distracted, angry, hungry, or otherwise dysregulated, it is pretty cool what my neocortex can come up with in the way of creative responses to the children in my care. I’ll share an old, favorite story then another, less productive but very silly one. Jack was a 16-year-old from a tiny... Read More

On a recent call, an AZAFAP foster mom shared that the three girls who have lived with her for 3 years (one since birth) are being considered for reunification.  She was being a trooper, but anger and frustration were her go-to feeling states. As we listened to her report of a meeting during which she... Read More

Changes, Some Small, Some Huge Part of what you do as a parent to a child with a history of chronic trauma is celebrate small changes. Sometimes you must journal behavioral observations to even recognize those changes. It is very confusing when the progress you saw yesterday is not evident today. I heard myself say... Read More

I remember a 15-year-old girl and her mother. I always held family therapy with everyone in the same room. Some of my colleagues thought I was crazy to try to manage such a dynamic group of people in various types of pain, but I love a challenge.  In our next individual session, the girl looked... Read More